17 Year old Probs.

When I first got this blog I was going to write often. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to have a place to write down my thoughts where other people might actually stumble across. But some days there is just nothing worth writing about. And other days I'm just too busy or too bored or too angry or too annoyed or just too me to do anything that I don't have to. So I guess I am a pretty lousy friend. Even to you.

But not toady!
Today I am writing!
And it may not be worth it, but I think ultimately I made this blog for myself so.. do what you will with it.

Okay, so... you see, I have this problem. 
I think a little bit too much.
Well really its a little more than a little too much. But today I had what I like to call a metaphysical crisis. One of those crazy epiphanies that I have way too often and I thought were supposed to be reserved for people turning fifty.

It involved me freaking out a little while realizing I'm 17!
Which sounds so completely ignorant and dumb if you're reading this and are over 17 years old. But I'm serious!

It shocks me how fast life is passing me by. Soon I will be in college, then middle aged, then elderly, then dead. And everyone else is going hyperspeed too. Everybody is going to die soon. My parents will die. My friends will die. My cat will die!
What's the point of this thinking!
It's overwhelming!

 I realized that I am over half way through my teen years! It seems like just yesterday I was proudly making my way through first grade, making friends with everyone I saw. That's kind of the way first grade works right?
But now I am twice as old and nothing but intimidated, walking through the halls secretly terrified of the people I am walking by. (Which is weird because I have a strange fascination with the creepers of this world.) But sometimes I can't help but think first grader me wouldn't be so please with how mousy I have become.  

This panic I am feeling at 17 is nothing less than a spontaneous and full out realization of moralities inevitable march.
These thoughts put me in a whirl wind. And the worst part is that I don't have some kind of spiritual bucket of insight and knowledge to help me handle it. I shouldn't have this kind of sense of helplessness. Seriously, Kristen, you are only 17, quit being so dramatic, you have the rest of your life to live!