Wow, Christmas really snuck up this year didn't it!
I know I can't be the only one that thinks that.
Part of me wants to blame it on the fact that Thanksgiving this year was literally two days before the start of December but honestly that still gives three and a half weeks to do all your holiday shenanigans!
I don't think Christmas has ever come so fast before.
I mean, as a kid (And yeah I get I still am one, but I'm talking like elementary school kid) Christmas could never come fast enough!
Honestly, as soon as summer ended and school was back in the countdown began.
So as a kid that's your biggest worry, how many more days.
I remember going to bed no later than 7 the whole week before Christmas, just hoping sleeping would make the time go faster, I would wake up and in what seemed like five minutes I would be a whole 10-15 hours closer. It was amazing!
I don't know when that stopped and I don't know when counting down the days ceased being my main worry of the season.
But fast-forward until now, Christmas Eve, 2013.
I'm 17 and didn't count days once.
I was too busy! But does that even make sense! Too busy to get excited.
Too many gifts to buy, presents to wrap, food to eat, puzzles to assemble, trees to decorate, Gingerbread Houses to build, lights to hang, babies to hold, stories to tell, cheesy holiday movies to watch, candy canes to eat, cheer to spread, service to attend, people to please...the list goes on and on.
It just blows me away, and worries me a little bit that things aren't going to slow down. Time is going to continue flying by just as fast. It's not just a Holiday affect.
But I can't dwell on that right now, I have to go wrap presents.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
17 Year old Probs.
When I first got this blog I was going to write often. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to have a place to write down my thoughts where other people might actually stumble across. But some days there is just nothing worth writing about. And other days I'm just too busy or too bored or too angry or too annoyed or just too me to do anything that I don't have to. So I guess I am a pretty lousy friend. Even to you.
But not toady!
Today I am writing!
And it may not be worth it, but I think ultimately I made this blog for myself so.. do what you will with it.
Okay, so... you see, I have this problem.
I think a little bit too much.
Well really its a little more than a little too much. But today I had what I like to call a metaphysical crisis. One of those crazy epiphanies that I have way too often and I thought were supposed to be reserved for people turning fifty.
It involved me freaking out a little while realizing I'm 17!
Which sounds so completely ignorant and dumb if you're reading this and are over 17 years old. But I'm serious!
It shocks me how fast life is passing me by. Soon I will be in college, then middle aged, then elderly, then dead. And everyone else is going hyperspeed too. Everybody is going to die soon. My parents will die. My friends will die. My cat will die!
What's the point of this thinking!
It's overwhelming!
I realized that I am over half way through my teen years! It seems like just yesterday I was proudly making my way through first grade, making friends with everyone I saw. That's kind of the way first grade works right?
But now I am twice as old and nothing but intimidated, walking through the halls secretly terrified of the people I am walking by. (Which is weird because I have a strange fascination with the creepers of this world.) But sometimes I can't help but think first grader me wouldn't be so please with how mousy I have become.
This panic I am feeling at 17 is nothing less than a spontaneous and full out realization of moralities inevitable march.
These thoughts put me in a whirl wind. And the worst part is that I don't have some kind of spiritual bucket of insight and knowledge to help me handle it. I shouldn't have this kind of sense of helplessness. Seriously, Kristen, you are only 17, quit being so dramatic, you have the rest of your life to live!
But not toady!
Today I am writing!
And it may not be worth it, but I think ultimately I made this blog for myself so.. do what you will with it.
Okay, so... you see, I have this problem.
I think a little bit too much.
Well really its a little more than a little too much. But today I had what I like to call a metaphysical crisis. One of those crazy epiphanies that I have way too often and I thought were supposed to be reserved for people turning fifty.
It involved me freaking out a little while realizing I'm 17!
Which sounds so completely ignorant and dumb if you're reading this and are over 17 years old. But I'm serious!
It shocks me how fast life is passing me by. Soon I will be in college, then middle aged, then elderly, then dead. And everyone else is going hyperspeed too. Everybody is going to die soon. My parents will die. My friends will die. My cat will die!
What's the point of this thinking!
It's overwhelming!
I realized that I am over half way through my teen years! It seems like just yesterday I was proudly making my way through first grade, making friends with everyone I saw. That's kind of the way first grade works right?
But now I am twice as old and nothing but intimidated, walking through the halls secretly terrified of the people I am walking by. (Which is weird because I have a strange fascination with the creepers of this world.) But sometimes I can't help but think first grader me wouldn't be so please with how mousy I have become.
This panic I am feeling at 17 is nothing less than a spontaneous and full out realization of moralities inevitable march.
These thoughts put me in a whirl wind. And the worst part is that I don't have some kind of spiritual bucket of insight and knowledge to help me handle it. I shouldn't have this kind of sense of helplessness. Seriously, Kristen, you are only 17, quit being so dramatic, you have the rest of your life to live!
Monday, November 11, 2013
50 Things I appreciate in Life. Part 2
Well its been roughly a year since I posted my last list of admiration, and I've been keeping a running tally of things I have come across and enjoyed over this past year. So here's part two of the things I love!
- Tradition
- Originality
- Bookmarks
- Open Roads
- Good first impressions
- Free mints at restaurants
- Lemonade
- Photo albums
- Having someone open up to me
- Sunny rooms
- Infectious smiles
- New recipes
- Trust
- Being thankful
- Maps
- Game Days
- Shoeboxes
- Crossword Puzzles
- Fall leaves
- Equality
- Tinted windows
- Warm coffee
- Daydreaming
- Billy Mays
- Bandanas
- Compliments
- Good hair days
- The end of the school year
- Photo booths
- Having the answer
- Confidence in myself
- Numbered race bibs
- Index cards
- Convertibles
- Road Trips
- Composition Notebooks
- Determination
- Peppermint flavored things
- Being asked trivial questions about myself
- Rainy days
- Research
- Lazy mornings
- Unexpected visits
- Affection
- Getting rid of Insecurities
- Long drives
- People who keep their word
- Hats
- God's winks
- Letting go
Friday, September 20, 2013
Ashamed
These days I am almost afraid and ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian. I'm afraid because I know as soon as the word leaves my mouth I'll be associated with people who hate homosexuals. People who cast every vote as though abortion is the only issue. People who think God wants us to drop more bombs on Iraq because he only loves America. People who are regarded in several social circles as ignorant, backwards, close-minded, oppressive, and hateful people.
I am ashamed because I don't do nearly enough to counteract that stereotype. I don't explain that it doesn't matter to me whether homosexuality is sinful or not because Jesus told us to love everybody anyway, or that I think God wants to save the whole world, not just the USA. I don't explain that not all Christians are superficial, judgmental, hypocrites.
Half the time I just end up agreeing with their arguments. Because I can feel their pain, it's so real to me. I can relate, but how can I possible stop there.
Sure, I can and should be sensitive to others opinions, values, beliefs, or morals.
But I also need to realize the part of my story that makes me different from them.
I need to Realize the part that changed me, the part worth sharing.
I need to start taking a bit of a stand for my God. Obtaining a bit of a confidence for sharing the ways his grace has affected me personally!
I am ashamed because I don't do nearly enough to counteract that stereotype. I don't explain that it doesn't matter to me whether homosexuality is sinful or not because Jesus told us to love everybody anyway, or that I think God wants to save the whole world, not just the USA. I don't explain that not all Christians are superficial, judgmental, hypocrites.
Half the time I just end up agreeing with their arguments. Because I can feel their pain, it's so real to me. I can relate, but how can I possible stop there.
Sure, I can and should be sensitive to others opinions, values, beliefs, or morals.
But I also need to realize the part of my story that makes me different from them.
I need to Realize the part that changed me, the part worth sharing.
I need to start taking a bit of a stand for my God. Obtaining a bit of a confidence for sharing the ways his grace has affected me personally!
Friday, September 13, 2013
Spirituality
I think part of my problem is that I want spirituality to be more CLOSE and more REAL.
It's like I can understand why people wear pendants around their necks and why they perform chants and gaze at stars. They are lonely.
I am not talking about lonely for a lover or a friend.
I mean lonely in the universal sense, lonley inside the understanding that we are tiny little people in a tiny little EARTH suspended in an endless void that echoes past stars upon stars upon stars.
There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what he is doing.
I imagine God is up there somewhere.
I imagine him looking down on this earth, half angry because his beloved mankind has cheated on him, yet hopelessly in love with her.
It's like I can understand why people wear pendants around their necks and why they perform chants and gaze at stars. They are lonely.
I am not talking about lonely for a lover or a friend.
I mean lonely in the universal sense, lonley inside the understanding that we are tiny little people in a tiny little EARTH suspended in an endless void that echoes past stars upon stars upon stars.
There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what he is doing.
I imagine God is up there somewhere.
I imagine him looking down on this earth, half angry because his beloved mankind has cheated on him, yet hopelessly in love with her.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Madagascar
October 2010.
Over two and a half years ago.
I wrote around 115 letters to be put in shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child.
I can remember praying over that stack of purple cardstock with my youth pastor and friends.
I can remember praying nights after that.
I prayed for a penpal.
I prayed for someone to connect with from a foreign country.
Because how cool is that?!
I prayed the boxes would arrive safe.
I pictured kids tearing through boxes on their Christmas day.
I pictured their joy.
But I also selfishly prayed I would get something in return.
I prayed for a reply.
At least one reply.
I wanted the hours I spent hand writing each letter to feel worth while.
I wanted to hear back from at least one appreciative kid that the efforts were worth it.
But I didn't.
And after a few months I lost hope.
No big deal though right?
Everyone had warned me before writing how slim of a chance it would be that I be written back.
They told me how the language barrier in the country most of these boxes would be sent to would be enough to discourage kids from writing back.
They told me the possibility of having maybe only a handful of translators in each village.
They told me not to be disappointed when I don't get one back.
But I wrote anyways.
Letter after letter.
With that little hope that maybe I would.
But then out of nowhere, on June 27, 2013. I received a letter.
From a girl named Sachricia.
Who lives in a village called Maromandia in Sainte Marie Madagascar.
She wrote how she walks 3 kilometers everyday to school and how she prays daily for me. She mentioned how she had sent one letter before and never got a reply.
What a beautiful lesson of never losing hope.
Never giving up on the power of our God!
I am blessed!
Over two and a half years ago.
I wrote around 115 letters to be put in shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child.
I can remember praying over that stack of purple cardstock with my youth pastor and friends.
I can remember praying nights after that.
I prayed for a penpal.
I prayed for someone to connect with from a foreign country.
Because how cool is that?!
I prayed the boxes would arrive safe.
I pictured kids tearing through boxes on their Christmas day.
I pictured their joy.
But I also selfishly prayed I would get something in return.
I prayed for a reply.
At least one reply.
I wanted the hours I spent hand writing each letter to feel worth while.
I wanted to hear back from at least one appreciative kid that the efforts were worth it.
But I didn't.
And after a few months I lost hope.
No big deal though right?
Everyone had warned me before writing how slim of a chance it would be that I be written back.
They told me how the language barrier in the country most of these boxes would be sent to would be enough to discourage kids from writing back.
They told me the possibility of having maybe only a handful of translators in each village.
They told me not to be disappointed when I don't get one back.
But I wrote anyways.
Letter after letter.
With that little hope that maybe I would.
But then out of nowhere, on June 27, 2013. I received a letter.
From a girl named Sachricia.
Who lives in a village called Maromandia in Sainte Marie Madagascar.
She wrote how she walks 3 kilometers everyday to school and how she prays daily for me. She mentioned how she had sent one letter before and never got a reply.
What a beautiful lesson of never losing hope.
Never giving up on the power of our God!
I am blessed!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
"Good Christian Girl"
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
Probably too much... I'm pretty sure it has been ruining parts of me.
But all this thinking has made me decide I need a change.
I decided I am going to give up on trying to be just a "good Christian girl".
I'm tired of attempting to put up a front.
I don't want to put on a show starring a fake girl anymore.
I'm tired of trying to be two faced, one face representing me and one face representing someone I'm not even good at pretending to be.
So I give up.
I give up on trying to be one of those "goody goody Christians"
Because I am not.
Because I am sin stained.
Because I am broken.
Because I am prideful.
Because I am full of crap.
Because I am sorrow blackened.
Because I am lost.
It wears me out walking through the halls at school pretending like I don't have all the same temptations as someone who's not a Christian.
It wears me out going to church every Sunday without fail and using all those big fancy religious words to make me seem more spiritual. To put on a fake smile and participate in small talk like it's my job. To act like what I've been told all the good Christians are supposed to act like. They tell me I'm not supposed to act like there are problems in my life and how I need to remember what was sacrificed for me. How I need to remember how amazing my life really is compared to so many others. How I have been forgiven.
It's like every day I am in some kind of on going debate with the church to see if teenagers are worth more than filling up one side of the church in the morning.
It's like in my head I am involved in some sort of struggle in pin pointing how much of an opinion I should get, or how much I can really possibly know at sixteen about the reality of things.
I don't want to constantly be striving to reach a stage that's impossible to reach.
I don't even know when I started being someone I'm not.
I remember priding myself on NOT being fake.
I remember looking around at my classmates, at the girls especially and wondering what is it that makes everyone want to be someone else so bad.
I didn't get why people find it so hard to be happy with who they are.
But it was then that I started understanding why there is constantly so much drama in school and in this world.
It's because people are always trying to be someone less than their own beautifully made self.
There is so much drama because people are always being misunderstood in their pretend characters.
It's just a big mess.
So I never understood why you would go to so much trouble to be someone else.
I mean, we do a pretty sucky job at being the person we were made to be, so what makes us think we could do a better job as someone else.
I feel like so often we just settle for the way the world does things.
It's foolish really.
But suddenly I was wrapped up in it.
Suddenly I was using all those cliché Christian sayings.
Suddenly I was saying "Lord willingly", or "God bless", and ending conversations with "I will be praying for you and your family".
Because that's what I was taught would make me respected or thought of as less than some kid.
But what's the point.
What's the freaking point of all of it!
It's a big scam!
So I quit.
I'm not a good Christian girl.
I'm not going to claim I read my Bible everyday or that I will always pray for you, or that when I worship I feel touched by the grace of God.
I am not going to claim to be anything more than broken little me.
I only claim to love a compassionate, merciful, humbling God. I will strive to be all he wants ME to be.
I claim to be aware of my junk.
It's why I need Jesus!
Probably too much... I'm pretty sure it has been ruining parts of me.
But all this thinking has made me decide I need a change.
I decided I am going to give up on trying to be just a "good Christian girl".
I'm tired of attempting to put up a front.
I don't want to put on a show starring a fake girl anymore.
I'm tired of trying to be two faced, one face representing me and one face representing someone I'm not even good at pretending to be.
So I give up.
I give up on trying to be one of those "goody goody Christians"
Because I am not.
Because I am sin stained.
Because I am broken.
Because I am prideful.
Because I am full of crap.
Because I am sorrow blackened.
Because I am lost.
It wears me out walking through the halls at school pretending like I don't have all the same temptations as someone who's not a Christian.
It wears me out going to church every Sunday without fail and using all those big fancy religious words to make me seem more spiritual. To put on a fake smile and participate in small talk like it's my job. To act like what I've been told all the good Christians are supposed to act like. They tell me I'm not supposed to act like there are problems in my life and how I need to remember what was sacrificed for me. How I need to remember how amazing my life really is compared to so many others. How I have been forgiven.
It's like every day I am in some kind of on going debate with the church to see if teenagers are worth more than filling up one side of the church in the morning.
It's like in my head I am involved in some sort of struggle in pin pointing how much of an opinion I should get, or how much I can really possibly know at sixteen about the reality of things.
I don't want to constantly be striving to reach a stage that's impossible to reach.
I don't even know when I started being someone I'm not.
I remember priding myself on NOT being fake.
I remember looking around at my classmates, at the girls especially and wondering what is it that makes everyone want to be someone else so bad.
I didn't get why people find it so hard to be happy with who they are.
But it was then that I started understanding why there is constantly so much drama in school and in this world.
It's because people are always trying to be someone less than their own beautifully made self.
There is so much drama because people are always being misunderstood in their pretend characters.
It's just a big mess.
So I never understood why you would go to so much trouble to be someone else.
I mean, we do a pretty sucky job at being the person we were made to be, so what makes us think we could do a better job as someone else.
I feel like so often we just settle for the way the world does things.
It's foolish really.
But suddenly I was wrapped up in it.
Suddenly I was using all those cliché Christian sayings.
Suddenly I was saying "Lord willingly", or "God bless", and ending conversations with "I will be praying for you and your family".
Because that's what I was taught would make me respected or thought of as less than some kid.
But what's the point.
What's the freaking point of all of it!
It's a big scam!
So I quit.
I'm not a good Christian girl.
I'm not going to claim I read my Bible everyday or that I will always pray for you, or that when I worship I feel touched by the grace of God.
I am not going to claim to be anything more than broken little me.
I only claim to love a compassionate, merciful, humbling God. I will strive to be all he wants ME to be.
I claim to be aware of my junk.
It's why I need Jesus!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
20 Important Things to Know
Just a few things I have found are nice to know!
- How to do at least one magic trick.
- How to play Solitaire.
- How to give compliments.
- How to read a map.
- How to give a good hug.
- How to jump start a car.
- How to negotiate.
- How to tell a story.
- How to be a good listener.
- How to write a letter. (I'm talking old fashion pen to paper and in the mailbox!)
- When to shut your mouth and when to speak up.
- How to tie a balloon.
- How to hold a baby.
- How to laugh at yourself.
- How to take notes.
- How to calculate tip.
- How to do at least one origami fold.
- How to change a tire.
- How and when to apologize.
- How to tell at least two HILARIOUS jokes!
Thursday, June 13, 2013
12 Things Happy People Do Differently
I recently read this on Pintrest and found it "Share Worthy"
1. Express Gratitude
-Be appreciative for what you have and be sure to thank others often.
2. Cultivate Optimism
-See this world as a place packed with endless opportunities.
3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison
-Only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.
4. Practice acts of kindness
-Randomly and selflessly helping people helps you feel good!
5. Nurture social relationships
-The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.
6.Develope strategies for coping
-It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call and in your arsenal at your disposal.
7. Learn to forgive
-Harboring hateful feelings is horrible for the well being.
8. Increase your focus
-Always give 100% to what you are doing at the moment.
9. Savor life's joys
-Slow down once in a while to simply take in the joy of living.
10. Commit to your goals
-Commit to giving whatever it takes to complete goals you have set.
11. Practice spirituality
-Surrender yourself and recognize that life is bigger
12. Take are of your body
-Be healthy.
1. Express Gratitude
-Be appreciative for what you have and be sure to thank others often.
2. Cultivate Optimism
-See this world as a place packed with endless opportunities.
3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison
-Only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.
4. Practice acts of kindness
-Randomly and selflessly helping people helps you feel good!
5. Nurture social relationships
-The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.
6.Develope strategies for coping
-It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call and in your arsenal at your disposal.
7. Learn to forgive
-Harboring hateful feelings is horrible for the well being.
8. Increase your focus
-Always give 100% to what you are doing at the moment.
9. Savor life's joys
-Slow down once in a while to simply take in the joy of living.
10. Commit to your goals
-Commit to giving whatever it takes to complete goals you have set.
11. Practice spirituality
-Surrender yourself and recognize that life is bigger
12. Take are of your body
-Be healthy.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
That coulda been bad!
It was about 2:30 in the afternoon and pouring down rain when I passed her.
I passed without any dream or inspiration to be one of those good citizens who is always performing random acts of kindness and such.
But as I passed I knew I wouldn't be able to go the rest of the day without feeling guilty knowing I ignored the little old lady slowly shuffling on the side of the road.
I couldn't ignore the way she didn't even looking up at the on coming traffic.
I couldn't ignore the clothes she was wearing, or the way she was hunched over and hardly limping along.
But I thought I was going to.
I thought I was going to ignore her and everything about her.
I passed quickly and didn't even look in the rear view mirror. But with each second that passed I knew I had to turn around.
I don't know what made me do it. I pass people on the side of the road all the time. Without even giving a second thought.
Because I mean... it's dangerous, right? It's dangerous for teenage girls who are alone without any kind of protection to pick up strangers from the side of the road, right?
But this time was different. This time I couldn't help myself. Having driven about a half mile down the road I quickly cut across traffic and did an illegal U-turn. It took me a few turn arounds to finally get to a point where I could slow down without a car behind me and pull over close enough to the women who was on the opposite side of the road, and yell "Hey, do you need a ride?"
She immediately raised her hand pointing towards her ear.
Oh, she can't hear me, I thought, that's respectable I mean here I am yelling across traffic and through a down pour.
Next, she pointed at my car and back at herself. As if asking if she should come.
I nodded my head and she quickly slipped across the two lanes of traffic and into my car.
Then I asked again "Can I give you a ride somewhere?"
She held out her palm and used her other hand to act as if she were writing something down and then motioned for a pen.
At this point I could tell she was mute.
I rummaged through my glove box to find a pen, an old receipt and an Altoid tin to write on and handed them to her.
She scribbled "Drop me off to the Walmart?"
I simply nodded and began driving.
Even though I almost hit a mailbox while pulling out she just touched my arm and laughed!
It was a connection, and it was reassurance. No words were needed.
We drove to Walmart in silence.
But I didn't mind.
I prefer the quiet anyhow.
Within a few short minutes, I pulled up to the entrance and let her out.
She motioned thank you in sign language and I smiled giving her a thumbs up back.
And that was it.
She was gone.
Just like that.
I probably won't ever see her again.
But at least I could make her afternoon a little more bearable.
I learned two thingqs.
I learned that sometimes gifts are briefly disguised as a disturbance.
And that spontaneously trusting your gut is good for the soul.
I passed without any dream or inspiration to be one of those good citizens who is always performing random acts of kindness and such.
But as I passed I knew I wouldn't be able to go the rest of the day without feeling guilty knowing I ignored the little old lady slowly shuffling on the side of the road.
I couldn't ignore the way she didn't even looking up at the on coming traffic.
I couldn't ignore the clothes she was wearing, or the way she was hunched over and hardly limping along.
But I thought I was going to.
I thought I was going to ignore her and everything about her.
I passed quickly and didn't even look in the rear view mirror. But with each second that passed I knew I had to turn around.
I don't know what made me do it. I pass people on the side of the road all the time. Without even giving a second thought.
Because I mean... it's dangerous, right? It's dangerous for teenage girls who are alone without any kind of protection to pick up strangers from the side of the road, right?
But this time was different. This time I couldn't help myself. Having driven about a half mile down the road I quickly cut across traffic and did an illegal U-turn. It took me a few turn arounds to finally get to a point where I could slow down without a car behind me and pull over close enough to the women who was on the opposite side of the road, and yell "Hey, do you need a ride?"
She immediately raised her hand pointing towards her ear.
Oh, she can't hear me, I thought, that's respectable I mean here I am yelling across traffic and through a down pour.
Next, she pointed at my car and back at herself. As if asking if she should come.
I nodded my head and she quickly slipped across the two lanes of traffic and into my car.
Then I asked again "Can I give you a ride somewhere?"
She held out her palm and used her other hand to act as if she were writing something down and then motioned for a pen.
At this point I could tell she was mute.
I rummaged through my glove box to find a pen, an old receipt and an Altoid tin to write on and handed them to her.
She scribbled "Drop me off to the Walmart?"
I simply nodded and began driving.
Even though I almost hit a mailbox while pulling out she just touched my arm and laughed!
It was a connection, and it was reassurance. No words were needed.
We drove to Walmart in silence.
But I didn't mind.
I prefer the quiet anyhow.
Within a few short minutes, I pulled up to the entrance and let her out.
She motioned thank you in sign language and I smiled giving her a thumbs up back.
And that was it.
She was gone.
Just like that.
I probably won't ever see her again.
But at least I could make her afternoon a little more bearable.
I learned two thingqs.
I learned that sometimes gifts are briefly disguised as a disturbance.
And that spontaneously trusting your gut is good for the soul.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Mud Pies
"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-heated creatures, fooling about with drink, and sex, and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea." -C.S. Lewis
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Inmate
"I wish we could realize how fickle our 'boundaries' really are. We are not limited by anything. Reflecting on the past gives us this clear image of how unconfined life is. Yet here, now, it seems to be a prison." -Anonymous
Monday, March 18, 2013
The Paradox of Our Age
Fun Fact #2: I am a huge fan of quotes.
"We have bigger houses, but smaller families;
More conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgement;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicines, but less healthiness.
We have been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We built more computers, to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever,
but have less communication.
We have become long on quantity,
but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods,
but slow digestion.
Tall man, yet short character.
Steep profits, but shallow relationships.
It's a time when there is much in the window,
but nothing in the room."
Really though, each and every one of my journals are FILLED with little tidbits from someone else's thoughts.
Some short, and some long, but all seeming to have summed up my feelings at the moment.
At first I thought I really just enjoyed quotes because of my ridiculously impressionable teenage mind.
But I have come to realize it isn't so much about stealing someone else's ideas, or simply not knowing my thoughts on something to the point that I find it easier just to take the thoughts of some random person out in cyber space.
But more like I know my thoughts, beliefs, and ideas yet could never possibly express them in writing as eloquently as some of my fellow Internet beings. I feel like it's really more about reading something so well put and completely relatable and knowing that if I even tried to attempt at putting it into my own words I would just end up butchering the whole idea.
(Kind of like I am doing right now!)
So I will leave it at that.
...But how could I possibly write a post about quotes and not leave you with one of my favorites to ponder on??
So Enjoy this "tidbit"
The Paradox of Our Age
More conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgement;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicines, but less healthiness.
We have been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We built more computers, to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever,
but have less communication.
We have become long on quantity,
but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods,
but slow digestion.
Tall man, yet short character.
Steep profits, but shallow relationships.
It's a time when there is much in the window,
but nothing in the room."
-The 14th Dalai Lama
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Rebel Status
I have recently been pondering my love for living on the edge,
I feel like I tend to take on rather outrageous and shocking behavior patterns most often when I sense that the people around me might judge me.
Seriously, it's not that I don't believe in following the rules, or that I don't respect authority. I think it is really just about pushing the envelope, simply because I resent the presence of the envelope.
So it's not so much that I just want to break all the rules, It's just sometimes I resent their presence.
I despise being controlled.
I can't stand having my independence threatened.
It makes me bitter when people think they know me, or think they can read me.
Sometimes I take pride in spontaneous behavior. Just to testify against the predictability of my actions.
I have been known to do crazy stuff out of the blue JUST to prove a point.
Or JUST to prove someone wrong!
So basically what I am telling you is not to judge me, because it will only push me further toward the edge.
Don't tell me not to do something, or that I am not capable of doing something.
Don't tell me I'm too young or unintelligent, or immature.
Don't tell me I'm not talented enough, or efficient enough, or experienced enough.
Basically don't tell me what to do!
It will only drive my urge to do that exact thing THAT much more.
So I guess there is a possibility that I am a bit of a rebel... A Rebel without a cause!
I feel like I tend to take on rather outrageous and shocking behavior patterns most often when I sense that the people around me might judge me.
Seriously, it's not that I don't believe in following the rules, or that I don't respect authority. I think it is really just about pushing the envelope, simply because I resent the presence of the envelope.
So it's not so much that I just want to break all the rules, It's just sometimes I resent their presence.
I despise being controlled.
I can't stand having my independence threatened.
It makes me bitter when people think they know me, or think they can read me.
Sometimes I take pride in spontaneous behavior. Just to testify against the predictability of my actions.
I have been known to do crazy stuff out of the blue JUST to prove a point.
Or JUST to prove someone wrong!
So basically what I am telling you is not to judge me, because it will only push me further toward the edge.
Don't tell me not to do something, or that I am not capable of doing something.
Don't tell me I'm too young or unintelligent, or immature.
Don't tell me I'm not talented enough, or efficient enough, or experienced enough.
Basically don't tell me what to do!
It will only drive my urge to do that exact thing THAT much more.
So I guess there is a possibility that I am a bit of a rebel... A Rebel without a cause!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Rahab
Rahab was a prostitute in the Bible, most known for her appearance in Joshua 2 where she hid two spies on top of her Inn who were sent out by Joshua to look over the town of Jericho which the Israelites were about to attack. In return for hiding the spies her and her house were untouched during the Battle of Jericho.
God protected her, but why?
It's almost as though God wanted to teach us that he can use anyone to do his work. She wasn't an Israelite, she didn't worship God or even try to keep his laws, in fact she was a pretty bad sinner in the eyes of most people. It just shows that you start out fresh each time you trust in his word and act on his promises.
One of the things I oh so love about Jesus is that he picked some of the most common, sin stained, and sorrow blackened people to do do his extraordinary tasks.
Here's the amazing part though.
It turns out that later on Rahab married a man named Salmon, whose son was Boaz, the husband of Ruth, whose son was Obed, who was the son of Jesse, who was the son of David, who was the King of Israel, which also follows to Joseph, the husband of Mary, mother of Jesus!
Who would have ever guessed that God would chose Rahab, a prostitute, to be Jesus' grandmother many times removed?!
God protected her, but why?
It's almost as though God wanted to teach us that he can use anyone to do his work. She wasn't an Israelite, she didn't worship God or even try to keep his laws, in fact she was a pretty bad sinner in the eyes of most people. It just shows that you start out fresh each time you trust in his word and act on his promises.
One of the things I oh so love about Jesus is that he picked some of the most common, sin stained, and sorrow blackened people to do do his extraordinary tasks.
Here's the amazing part though.
It turns out that later on Rahab married a man named Salmon, whose son was Boaz, the husband of Ruth, whose son was Obed, who was the son of Jesse, who was the son of David, who was the King of Israel, which also follows to Joseph, the husband of Mary, mother of Jesus!
Who would have ever guessed that God would chose Rahab, a prostitute, to be Jesus' grandmother many times removed?!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Don't Sleep through your Dreams
I am a day dreamer.
A citizen. Maybe even a captive of my own Imagination.
The places I could go...
The things I could do...
The people I could meet...
The person I could become...
It all seems much more compelling than this life I am living.
I have noticed that many of my "great" thoughts happen early early in the morning.
It is more often than not during those wee hours, when I can't sleep that I seem to be exceptionally cognitive.
It is then that I let my mind travel most independently in a thousand different directions.
It is then that I almost feel like I am awake before all the great thoughts of the day have been taken.
It is then that everything is so incredibly quiet that I can almost hear the wheels of my wondering, questioning, believing mind turning.
And it is then that I feel most in touch with myself and my God.
A citizen. Maybe even a captive of my own Imagination.
The places I could go...
The things I could do...
The people I could meet...
The person I could become...
It all seems much more compelling than this life I am living.
I have noticed that many of my "great" thoughts happen early early in the morning.
It is more often than not during those wee hours, when I can't sleep that I seem to be exceptionally cognitive.
It is then that I let my mind travel most independently in a thousand different directions.
It is then that I almost feel like I am awake before all the great thoughts of the day have been taken.
It is then that everything is so incredibly quiet that I can almost hear the wheels of my wondering, questioning, believing mind turning.
And it is then that I feel most in touch with myself and my God.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Epiphany?
Today I look around and my breath catches in my throat.
Surely I should take off my shoes, or raise up my hands, or fall to my knees... Surely this moment is Holy.
God has been so good to us!
I think of the opportunity I was given on Tuesday to buy 9 bundles of joy their very OWN Bible. (And for most their very FIRST bible too!) I think of the way that we have never once had 9 kids come to iGod on a single day, but I think of what a blessing it was to be forced to wait to hand out Bibles because we had 4 more kids show up than we had Bibles to give! Three of which I had never even seen before!
Now that's a "Problem" worth celebrating!
It blows me away that we have been at Creekwood every Wednesday afternoon since September and still haven't seen or met all the kids who live there. I think of all the kids who just in the last month or two have started coming regularly. Which makes me wonder how many more kids are out there maybe looking on apprehensively from their window each week, still trying to determine if we are just going to be another "short-term outreach project" or not. Still trying to determine if we are going to stick around or not.
I think everyone is still trying to figure us out.
I was just asked yesterday by one of the new girls what exactly we are doing in their neighborhood every week... I was quick to explain to her all the games we play, or the crafts we make, and the snacks we have. But right at the very end of our conversation I slipped in the part about Bible study. Yep, that's right, I "slipped" it in. Now I don't know about you, but if our mission is solely focused around sharing the love of Christ, I don't think having Bible study deserves to just be "Slipped" in at the end. If anything the bulk of my answer to her question should have been about all that takes place to equip them and help them grow in their relationship with the Lord, and then maybe a sentence or two could have been "slipped" in about a few games we might play too. Now I know that's not how kids minds work... or peoples minds in general really. I understood that in order to get her there to even have the opportunity to hear God's word I had to tell her about all the appealing stuff first. It's almost as if I were like, "Hey, listen, we are going to have all sorts of fun, we are going to play games you have never even thought of, and maybe make some cute little bracelets for you to take home, and even feed you...but here's what I forgot to mention, we would also really appreciate it if you stayed for a short little Bible Study at the end too."
I wince at the thought of that being the way things come across.
One thing I know for sure though is if it's up to me iGod will NOT be just another "Short-term outreach project". I have seen it happen far too often, and I have even been apart of it... Church groups will agree on one Saturday with the determination to go out and help "fix" the community. Maybe it is a little harsh to say, but seriously you are not fixing much by going into a child's life for one day. Sure it's nice of you to give them some entertainment or some lovin' for a bit, but how much of that are you taking with you at the end of the day when you just walk out of their lives like so many other people have done before.
I think it is ignorant for any of us to think we have the right to go out in mind-set of "fixing" the people and brokenness of a community. Truth is we are all so broken and in need of fixing. It's not about who has more money, or stuff, or connections. It's not about who has more friends, or better clothes, or a nicer house. It's about our savior, and the compassion and altruism he has for us. It's about us realizing how much potential we really have without also losing a grasp on just how tiny of a little spec we are in the great scheme or things.
Surely I should take off my shoes, or raise up my hands, or fall to my knees... Surely this moment is Holy.
God has been so good to us!
I think of the opportunity I was given on Tuesday to buy 9 bundles of joy their very OWN Bible. (And for most their very FIRST bible too!) I think of the way that we have never once had 9 kids come to iGod on a single day, but I think of what a blessing it was to be forced to wait to hand out Bibles because we had 4 more kids show up than we had Bibles to give! Three of which I had never even seen before!
Now that's a "Problem" worth celebrating!
It blows me away that we have been at Creekwood every Wednesday afternoon since September and still haven't seen or met all the kids who live there. I think of all the kids who just in the last month or two have started coming regularly. Which makes me wonder how many more kids are out there maybe looking on apprehensively from their window each week, still trying to determine if we are just going to be another "short-term outreach project" or not. Still trying to determine if we are going to stick around or not.
I think everyone is still trying to figure us out.
I was just asked yesterday by one of the new girls what exactly we are doing in their neighborhood every week... I was quick to explain to her all the games we play, or the crafts we make, and the snacks we have. But right at the very end of our conversation I slipped in the part about Bible study. Yep, that's right, I "slipped" it in. Now I don't know about you, but if our mission is solely focused around sharing the love of Christ, I don't think having Bible study deserves to just be "Slipped" in at the end. If anything the bulk of my answer to her question should have been about all that takes place to equip them and help them grow in their relationship with the Lord, and then maybe a sentence or two could have been "slipped" in about a few games we might play too. Now I know that's not how kids minds work... or peoples minds in general really. I understood that in order to get her there to even have the opportunity to hear God's word I had to tell her about all the appealing stuff first. It's almost as if I were like, "Hey, listen, we are going to have all sorts of fun, we are going to play games you have never even thought of, and maybe make some cute little bracelets for you to take home, and even feed you...but here's what I forgot to mention, we would also really appreciate it if you stayed for a short little Bible Study at the end too."
I wince at the thought of that being the way things come across.
One thing I know for sure though is if it's up to me iGod will NOT be just another "Short-term outreach project". I have seen it happen far too often, and I have even been apart of it... Church groups will agree on one Saturday with the determination to go out and help "fix" the community. Maybe it is a little harsh to say, but seriously you are not fixing much by going into a child's life for one day. Sure it's nice of you to give them some entertainment or some lovin' for a bit, but how much of that are you taking with you at the end of the day when you just walk out of their lives like so many other people have done before.
I think it is ignorant for any of us to think we have the right to go out in mind-set of "fixing" the people and brokenness of a community. Truth is we are all so broken and in need of fixing. It's not about who has more money, or stuff, or connections. It's not about who has more friends, or better clothes, or a nicer house. It's about our savior, and the compassion and altruism he has for us. It's about us realizing how much potential we really have without also losing a grasp on just how tiny of a little spec we are in the great scheme or things.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
2012 In A Wrap
Here lies the last year of my life documented into one neat and confined space! Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook may have seen me post there but I will say it again here. I believe the last year has been so full of God's blessings and extravagant surprises. Everyday another gift. Beautiful and unexpected. I feel spoiled rotten by the God of the universe, his love just too grand and too perfect for little broken me.
There were SO many memorable times during 2012, here are just a few...
Competed in an exhilarating 5k called Color Me Rad!
Competed in the Goodwill Mud Run 5k.....Twice!
Met the USA National Women Soccer Captain Christie Rampone.
Asked a stranger how we could pray for them and prayed with them!
Went Zip Lining through the North Carolina country side.
Took multiple trips to the lake. My friend Ashley and I pretty much lived there this summer!
Played hours and hours of soccer! Including once at Mid-night!
Went tubing with some amazing people.
Went river tubing in a lightning storm!
Completed a high ropes course.
Invested every Wednesday night with these crazy kids!
Packaged food bags for the less fortunate in Haiti.
Slathered up a trampoline with soap for some slippery summer time fun.
Had a cake fight with this amazing girl.
Got my license and my very own car!
Started a "Backyard Bible Club" at a local Apartment Complex.
Not pictured 2012 Accomplishments/ Activities:
-Went snowboarding in North Carolina.
-Found my Celebrity Look-A-Like
-Learned how to Crochet.
-Memorized the whole Chapter of Romans 8 in the Bible.
-Completed my Freshman year in High School.
-Partied in Walmart at 2:00 AM
-Filled up a WHOLE Journal. To the back of the very last page!
-Sang at an obnoxious level in public.
-Helped throw a surprise party.
-Laid in awe stargazing countless nights.
-Learned I have a condition in my thumbs called brachydactyly.
-Read at least 50 Novels.
-Syran wrapped 2 friends cars.
-Attended a formal dance....Never again!
-Walked to school.
-Danced in the Fountain at Southern Wesleyan University.
-Had some of the most inspiring conversations ever.
-Landed my first paid photography job.
-Witnessed a few of my dear friends get saved and/or baptized.
-Grew in my faith of God's timing.
-Laughed until I cried multiple, multiple times.
-Stood motionless in front of God's creation numerous times. Most often at a sunset.
-Shared my life with some of the most amazing people on the planet.
I can't imagine what the year 2013 will bring!
Peter
Peter is the Rock on which God built his church.
But first, Peter was the worst disciple ever.
I am Peter.
For each time I deny God the glory that is his.
For each time I follow my will instead of listening to his.
For each time I jump ahead without consulting my Lord.
He asks. "Daughter do you truly love me? Then come feed my sheep and follow me" and I am...Or at least I am trying.
I am Peter.
I mess up.
I make mistakes.
I am far from perfect BUT God will use me.
You are Peter.
God already knows that you will make a mess, but his plan for you is great.
So Go.
And feed his Sheep!
But first, Peter was the worst disciple ever.
I am Peter.
For each time I deny God the glory that is his.
For each time I follow my will instead of listening to his.
For each time I jump ahead without consulting my Lord.
He asks. "Daughter do you truly love me? Then come feed my sheep and follow me" and I am...Or at least I am trying.
I am Peter.
I mess up.
I make mistakes.
I am far from perfect BUT God will use me.
You are Peter.
God already knows that you will make a mess, but his plan for you is great.
So Go.
And feed his Sheep!
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